There are only four days left until Christmas and, if you’re like us, you’ve barely even started your VHS shopping. Not to worry, we’ve scoured our massive collection of found videotapes to highlight some holiday chestnuts that every kid will be clamoring for this year. So warm yourself in front of the video fireplace, suck back some peppermint schnapps, and get ready to circle your favorites in the Found Footage Festival’s VHS Christmas Wish List.

Holiday Workout. Celebrate the birth of Christ by working out with a woman named Joanie.

Carving A Santa Face. Not sure about the santa face, but with this cover, Gene Webb has carved his way into our hearts.

Kenny and Corky Singing "Nuttin' for Christmas." We've had nuttin' but nightmares ever since finding this video. 

The Christmas Light. This is the movie Pixar would've made if it had a severe brain injury.

Jingle Cats. Here's a rare example where the footage actually lives up to the video cover. See here.

Learn To Paint With Priscilla. Learn how to make all the Christmas sweatshirts you admired so much on your kindergarten teacher.

Kathie Lee's Rock n' Tots Cafe. You know,  the Rock n’ Tots Cafe was a nice, quiet place to grab a turkey club until Kathie Lee took over.

Christy: Santa's First Female Reindeer. "Christy" sounds more like the name of Santa's first female hair dresser.
 

The back cover clues us in on the plot, and it looks like their CAPS LOCK was stuck.

Hank's Christmas Glitter 2004. We found this video in Vancouver and it appears that Hank is Canada's premier documentarian of Christmas glitter. More here.

He-Man She-Ra Christmas Special. Christmas is always a special time of year for heathen barbarians from another dimension.

Holiday Kartoon Kavalcade. All "Holiday Kartoon Kavalcade" wants for Christmas is a couple of C's.

Punching with Master Bob Klein. Not technically a Christmas video, but when Master Bob Klein puts on a santa suit, prepare to get punched.

Nude Ice Skating. Finally, an opportunity to use the word "Zamboner."

Jingle Bell Rockin' Christmas. Featuring America’s most beloved Christmas pirate.

VHS: Absurd, Odd and Ridiculous Relics from the Videotape Era. It just would not be Christmas without a little crass self promotion. Be sure to stuff the stockings of everyone you know with this new book, featuring over 300 favorite VHS covers from the Found Footage Festival archives. Now on sale in the FFF store and at your local bookstore.

Look what Johnny Ryan posted on our Facebook wall! It's a photo-realistic depiction of our typical post-show ritual.

Joe just spotted our book, "VHS," at one of our favorite comic book shops, Forbidden Planet, in Manhattan. If you find the book at your local bookshop or comics store, please let us know. Thanks!

Bubba Smith's 1985 exercise vid, Until It Hurts: Not Just Another Pretty Workout, proves why he was one of history's sweetest (and sweatiest) big men. Watch a clip.

And here's some "Police Academy" fan fiction we wrote in honor of Bubba.

POLICE ACADEMY 8: HIGHTOWER IN HEAVEN

INT - DAY - HEAVEN

Commandant Eric Lassard, decked out in a white uniform, angel wings and a halo, sits at a desk at the Pearly Gates. A goldfish in a bowl rests on the table. It has a little halo, too.

Lassard: All right, who's next? I've got a tee time at 9:30 with Bob Hope, that lousy cheat. Tackleberry? Tackleberry?

We reveal Eugene Tackleberry, also wearing a white police uniform, standing next to the desk polishing his white gun lovingly.

Lassard: TACKLEBERRY!

Tackleberry: (startled out of his trance) Sir, yes, sir. We've got a Timmy McIntyre, age 8, Peoria, Illinois. Hit by a car while chasing a ball into the street.

Lassard: Oh yes, I see him on the list. That's terribly unfortunate. Send him in.

Timmy walks in, ball in hand.

Tackleberry: Hold it right there, Mister.

We reveal that he's got the gun pointed right at Timmy's head.

Tackleberry: You are in violation of heaven police code 442122. Unlawful entry into heaven with a foreign object.

Timmy: But...but...it's my ball.

Tackleberry: Not any more it's not.

He aims the gun from Timmy's head to the ball and shoots it. The ball explodes and collapses in a deflated heap. Timmy starts crying.

Lassard: That's quite enough, Eugene. Come this way, son. Here's your halo. Who's next?

Tackleberry: Lt. Moses Hightower, sir. One of the finest men I've ever had the privilege of serving with.

Lassard: There must be some sort of mistake. We've already got a Moses. He's always going around parting things. It's terribly irritating.

Hightower (o.s.): No, sir. It's me, Lt. Hightower, at your service.

We see Hightower from Lassard's point of view. He's so tall we just see up to his shoulders.

Lassard: That can't be right. I remember Lt. Hightower having a head.

Hightower (o.s.): Look up, sir.

Point of view shot pans up to reveal Hightower's smiling face.

Lassard: Hightower, it's you. So wonderful to see you.

Tackleberry hugs Hightower.

Tackleberry: I missed you.

Hightower hugs back, a little too hard.

Tackleberry: (pained) I guess you missed me too.

Lassard: Come, Hightower. It's time to put on your halo.

Lassard hands him the halo, which looks comically small on Hightower's head.

Lassard: Well, perhaps you could wear it as a bracelet.

Hightower tosses the tiny halo offscreen and we hear a distant scream. He looks around and grabs a giant door knocker off the Pearly Gates, then wears that as a halo. The whole gate rumbles and sways and then collapses in dust. The three men stare silently at the rubble for a few beats, then Lassard breaks the silence.

Lassard: Welcome to heaven, Hightower!